My partner and I are pregnant with our first and we are very much not a traditional couple. I come from a family of hippies and both my partner and I are as well. We love the name Sparrow for a boy and had it in mind for years. My grandpas name is Robin and loved the bird/nature theme. My brothers name is Canyon so we are used to unique names but my in laws are not. Im pregnant and hormonal and my feelings are hurt. What do I do ?
Dear Baby Bird*,
Congratulations on your upcoming transition to parenthood — welcoming a baby is exciting and life altering. For whatever its worth, I think Sparrow is a unique, sweet name and I am so sorry you aren’t getting the support you deserve in this stressful (if exciting) time. There are baby names that merit judgement because of the burden they are likely going to represent for the hypothetical child, but those names are few and I don’t think that applies here, so I won’t digress.
The transition to parenthood in my experience is interesting because it starts to strain the parent/child dynamics in your own life — before you become a parent, you do need to become less of a child. The parents in your life aren’t as responsible for you as they were when you were young, and while that independence can feel harrowing, it also means freedom — if you have the courage to seize it. How do you do that? By giving many less fucks about their opinions.
I know that sounds abrasive, but it’s true. You (and by you, I mean your partner) can do this two ways — one method is to listen to their opinions with kind indifference and then disregard. Or, set some boundaries by stating explicitly that you are not interested in their opinion on the matter. These boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, but they do set a tone that allows everyone to thrive through this transition — your in laws don’t get to call all the shots with your partner anymore (something they should have started to grasp as they went to college, moved out, got married), which also means they are free to chill and just be everyone’s favorite people — grandparents. The village is meant to support, not control.
How to handle this is one thing, but as I alluded to, the who here is important. Where in-laws are concerned, your partner needs to take the lead in handling their own parents, especially with you feeling emotional and vulnerable in your pregnancy. Make sure you are expecting that basic care and boundary setting from your partner right now.
Good luck to you and your little Sparrow,
Adri