I realized I was a little late and just knew deep in my heart I was pregnant again. We did not plan for another baby. Pregnancy is hard on me, I’m short and gain a lot and have big babies. We did not want another baby. I’m so content with the 2 we already have. No one is left out, we aren’t outnumbered and I feel I have just enough of me to go around.
Adding baby 3 means we have to get a new house and a new car. Which yes have been in the plan but at our leisure.
I’m an emotional wreck at confirming we’re adding another. I don’t even know what to do. I cannot emphasize enough how badly I do not want another baby. But the guilt weighing on me for even being in a position to have to make a decision is so hard. I worry about medical issues or complications. We already have 2 perfect children, why risk it?
Dear Plus 1*,
I am a mama of two, and a short curvy gal who feels extremely uncomfortable pregnant. Well, there are 27 minutes in the second trimester when I feel like a goddess, but out of 40 weeks….
Anyways, I want to validate that it isn’t easy and it isn’t to be taken lightly. I see you lean immediately into logistics and away from your feelings and wants/needs and I want you to pause. Logistics are important — parenting successfully is a deeply logistical matter. But if you already KNOW you don’t want a third baby? They do not matter. It does not matter if you CAN if you do not WANT to.
I am not going to judge any of your anxieties in a country with medical care as abysmal as ours. In a culture where patriarchy continues to lay carework largely at the feet of ciswomen. I am going to focus on this sentence:
“I cannot emphasize enough how badly I do not want another baby.”
For me, (and my pro-choice politics) this is the beginning and the end of this decision. Abortion discussions thrive on the extremes — stories of rape and incest — they exist and they are awful. But the more quotidien story is that of the overwhelmed, under-resourced mother. Deciding with eyes wide open to parent (or not) is our first act of care to our children.
I won’t make assumptions about your politics or faith — I would just affirm that your body is yours, your life is yours, and I support any choice you make — because, for now, in many places, there is a choice.
With love and solidarity,
Adri